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Wednesday, June 09, 2004

MCFUN review:

(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf).


Quotes:

"Do you want to kill yourself when it rains?"

"Do you want me to die?"

"Make up your mind! At first you're all :'I wants him to die', and then you're like 'No,I love you, I love you, have a free Big Mac'."

"I look like I'm seven, and she asked me for my number. I'm like 'What do you wanna play toys?'.



Andy brings up a hilarious topic in this video. I remember I was in grade 7, and there was this trashy girl, Cheryl. Cheryl was 12 years old, and liked to wear clothes with fringes all over them, and acid washed ANYTHING. Cheryl's boyfriend, however, was 17. His name was Dusty, and he drove a beat-up camaro and really enjoyed the song 'Rock You Like a Hurricane' and doing crank behind the
7-11.

Now, I'm not being a 'hatah', but what does a 17-year-old have in common with a 12-year-old? The dude had a beard, and Cheryl barely had pubes! See the South Park episode entitled "Cat Orgy" for a better look at the Cheryl/Dusty relationship. Gross!




I'd like to end this review with the nicest bit of hate-mail anyone has ever recieved:

From: hockeystar111

that kid that thinks the superbowl is gay should look at himself. why do u waste your time on him?
you must be really bored.

p.s. i don't normally do this, but do you want to go out sometime? i live in vancouver too, and u seem like a fun girl.


Creepy.

DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE HERE.

CHECK OUT ANDY PICTURES HERE.

E-MAIL ME - SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM

Sunday, May 23, 2004

ANDY AND C. VANVEER review:


(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf).


Quotes:

"I like girls with sparkly vaginas, and I like little berries. I like boats, I like the sidewalk and I like the ocean."

"Slinkies are my favorite toy, they bring me lots of joy, they fuckin' do."



One time, I had a bookshelf that got infested with termites. At first, there was only a few termites, and I'd just throw them outside when I saw one. Then, one day, there was a ton of termites. I just gave up on throwing them out. I was like: "Alright termites, you tricky bastards, you win."

Termites are a lot like Christians. They multiply quickly, and sometimes, there's just no stopping them. In high school, I met this nice girl. I wasn't at school very often , so I really didn't know very many people, so I was pretty excited that this girl wanted to be my friend. She let me sit at her table at lunch, and asked me if I wanted to join a club. I went along after school, and sat in this circle with a bunch of harmless-looking kids. All of a sudden, this mousy girl was all like "I heard some girl had 'relations' out of wedlock, so I confronted her in the middle of gym class, and now everyone knows." The rest of the group agreed that this was the best thing to do.

It was at this time that I noticed the jesus-fish on the wall. Crap...Christians.

I was raised by severe athiests, so the idea of Christianity has always seemed pretty cracked-out to me. I decided to stick it out for a few more minutes.

They began discussing the teaching of evolution in science class. They were pissed, as evolution DIDN'T HAPPEN. It was at this point that I decided to speak up. The conversation went as so:

"Umm, Christians? What about all of the scientific evidence of evolution?"

"Well, science lies to you...There is only one true creator."

"What about prehistoric life?"

"Maybe you should read the bible. Humans were the first creatures on earth."

"So how do you explain all of the dinosaur remains that have been found?"

"Ummm..."

"Seriously, how do you explain all of the skeletons in the museums...Did they just put a bunch of dog skeletons together wrong?"

*Ba-Zing*

Sarah 1- Christians-0

It was at this time that they kind of chased me out. Christians can be surprisingly violent at times.



Andy should keep making these 'inspirational' videos, there's nothing that motivates me more than sparkly vaginas.



DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE HERE.

CHECK OUT ANDY PICTURES HERE.

E-MIAIL ME - SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM

Saturday, April 24, 2004

CRAZY MARCHING BAND review:

(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf).

Quotes:

"You look like you feed birds with your dick, 'cause your dick is a bird feeder."

"You look like peanut butter came out your ear, and you got eight double chins, that would be a quantuplet chin."

"What do you want from my life? Huh? What do you want from my life?"

"Be my little playmate and touch my silky nipples, be my little playmate and touch my fat belly. Fat belly, where are you? I'm right beside you, I'll never leave you."

"I like to ride my bike, yes I do. I ride my bike down the street, how are you, and you, and you?"

"I bet you can't guess how old I am...Yep, you guessed it... 8."

"I work at an accounting firm in Manhattan. If they saw this, they'd probably fire me."



I hate parades. I mean, I really, really hate parades. They're full of little kids running head-first into your crotch, and assholes that push you around to try and get a better view of a float shaped like a cell-phone.
Fucking parades.

Marching bands also piss me off. I understand when they play marching band classics, like "She'll be Coming 'Round the Mountain", but when they start playing outdated "hip" music, such as a 2 Live Crew medley, it makes me feel really uneasy....

Band kids always seem really maladjusted. They just don't understand the world. I used to have a good friend, Joel, that was a bit insane. He used to go down to the river and get a bunch of slugs and wrap them up in wrapping paper. Then, he'd go into the band classroom and hand them out. He did this almost every week, and even after a month, the kids would STILL unwrap the packages. You'd think they'd get to a point where they just wouldn't open ANY package from Joel, but that never, ever happened...Strange.



DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE HERE.

CHECK OUT ANDY PICTURES HERE.

E-MIAIL ME - SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM


Saturday, April 17, 2004

BEST OF THE WORSTEST review:

(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)


Quotes:

(from an aborted video on Fruit Stripe gum):"Why this shit so whack? I need to buy ten packs.You know why? Cause when you chew that shit, it tastes like sour wax."

(from an aborted skit that sounds quite a bit like 'Shrinky Dink Manifesto'): " Play with some Play-Doh. Gonna play with Play-Doh and make avacados, I make moulded avacados. Gonna make moulded avacados, I'm gonna make a blue avacado, and I'm gonna make a green avacado. Green avacado's real, and the blue avacado's fake. Blue avacado's fake, because the real color of avacados is green. Green avacado's real because the real color of avacados is green. When I make them, I don't make them life-sized, because I only have 2 packs of Play-Dohs, and if you want to make the real avacados with 2 packs of Play-Dohs it's not enough to make a real-sized avacado."

(from another aborted video) 'My life is gone, just so you could put my meat in your cheek and swirl it around. Just so you could have a dinner, you could have got a 49-cent cheeseburger at McDonalds, but instead you killed me."



How do I explain my feelings for this video? Well, I made a little film of my own.

Check it out here.

Confused? Me too.

DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.

CHECK OUT ANDY PICS HERE.

E-MAIL ME--SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM

Saturday, March 27, 2004

CUPPY IS REALLY FUNNY review:

(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf).

Quotes:

"Andy, Cuppy was really funny. It was one of the best ones so far, keep up the good work.- Brian Lynch"


You know, Cuppy is really funny.
Also, "Cuppy is Really Funny" is really funny.

Andy likes to pour mustard on his head. That's good... You should do what you like, 'cause it will make you a happy person.

My friend Aleisha told me a story about this cult that gives themselves daily coffee enemas. I was like "How do you give yourself a coffee enema?" Aleisha told me that you put some coffee in your ass, then you roll around on the carpet for a while... It cleans your body out. Then, I said "No, I mean, what kind of coffee do you use? Dark roast? Irish Cream? Espresso? Sumatra Blend?"
She didn't know, but then I realized: Hey, so long as it makes these dudes happy, it really doesn't matter what kind of coffee is in their asses.

Being happy is good.

DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.

CHECK OUT ANDY PICCIES HERE.

E-MAIL ME--SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Aaron Carter's Box Blah Blah review:

(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)

Quotes:

"I'm so fuckin' glad to get rid of that piece of fuckin' shit-bag....That no-talented little piece of plastic ass-wrap. He's a fuckin' dick blow...Blow-dicker...I don't really know slang that well, 'cause I'm just a fuckin' box. Give me a break, people."

"...and he'd fuckin' sound just like that. Listen to me, I fuckin' lived with him for two years on the fuckin' shelf at Sam Goody. Why couldn't they put some fuckin' cool Ghost World shit in me? I was just a fuckin' random box with no coloring or label at the factory, and they stuck that talentless piece of fuck-cheese in me and I had to fuckin' live with him for two and a half fuckin' years. I was like 'Please fuckin' buy me already, buy me and take that mutherfucker out of me, take that mutherfucker out of me'. It was like I gave birth to the mutherfucker."

"If it was my choice, you'd have Britney Spears' naked boobies all around my box-piece, and the back side of me would be naked pictures of Angelina Jolie. That's right, that's my fuckin' wife. I'm gonna go out and meet that broad, and she's gonna marry me, even though I am a box. She'a a fuckin' weird chick, she'd be into that kind of shit. 'Hey, you ever made love to an Aaron Carter box? Yeah,I didn't fuckin' think so. Add that to the fuckin' notch on your belt-piece. Thank-ya.' ".




I'm not going to lie; I love this video. In fact, this video made me laugh so hard, I'm pretty sure it was made just for me. Was Andy thinking of me while making this video? No.....However, the cosmic forces that have been put on this earth that make sure I am laughing for at least 20% of my life have made sure that someone made something SO FUNNY that I would never get tired of it. I watch this video at least once a week, and laugh my ass off every time. When I am unable to watch it, I go into withdrawl. Believe it.

Here is a short list of some other things that I'm pretty sure were created purely for my enjoyment:

-Chocolate Twinkies
-That time I saw a guy fly-fishing in the park, and he accidentally hooked a kid.
-Christopher Walken
-Those dogs with the really short legs.
-Kirby games (nobody else likes them, but Nintendo still makes them. See? MY enjoyment.)
-www.x-entertainment.com
-Saved by the Bell and Family Matters reruns at 4AM (no one else is up at that time, but I needed something to entertain me. Thanks, TBS Superstation.)
-Spongebob Squarepants popsicles.
-Better Off Dead on DVD (thank you, god).
- The Kool-Aid Man (but why hasn't he busted through my wall yet? Maybe he's wating for my birthday.)

Okay, maybe other people like these things, too. Seriously, though, I don't want to live in a world without "Aaron Carter's Box Blah Blah".

DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE HERE.

CHECK OUT PICTURES HERE.

E-MAIL ME-- SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM





Thursday, March 18, 2004

Aaron Carter, Top Charter review:

(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)

Quotes:

"Here's my Aaron Carter doll, he sings, and he sits."

"I'm ready for action. I'm Aaron Carter doll and I can beat your G.I Joe up, I'm eight times bigger than your stupid green G.I Joe with the little plastic pool of plastic that goes in front of your feet."

"I'm smiling here, but here? *BAM* I'm angry and sexy. I'm only 12, but I'm sexy and angry."


Aaron Carter? That's some funny shit. I think Aaron carter has grown quite a bit in the past few years, and he probably has his own
"love doll" by now. I love celebrity dolls, they're nothin' but gooood times. Here, in no particular order, are some of the most hilarious celebrity dolls EVER (click for pics):

- Brooke Sheilds doll (really, they had this, I'm not even joking).
-Boy George doll. (Yes, yes, yes.)
-George Burns doll (Dear Santa...I'd like a teddy bear, an Easy-Bake oven, and a George Burns doll...)
-Erik Estrada doll (I wish I was making this up).
-Rosie O'Donnell doll (if I was a kid, this would scare the crap out of me...No, wait...It would STILL scare the crap out of me).
-Jerry Springer doll (I guess you need this doll if your Barbie is a cheating crack-whore).
-Captain and Tenille dolls (finally!)


Check out Andy's "Five for the Famous" interview here.

DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.

CHECK OUT PICS HERE.

E-MAIL ME- SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM

One more time, a huge thanks to Amanda, Ben, and Mike for letting me use this pic.
If you lived in vancouver, I'd make you a nice dinner 'cause you're all so awesome. However, I'm poor, and I'm a really bad cook, so we'd probably be eating cream-of-microwave-popcorn-soup and twinkie/poptart sandwiches, so maybe I'm doing you a bigger favor by NOT inviting you for dinner. Thanks again.

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