Saturday, February 07, 2004
BROOKLYN THUG review:
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes: (spoken by a TRUE thug)
"...Got my knife on me right now, it's all good, I'm still chillin'"
"You got this on camera...Show it to your mother, to your father, to whoever you want".
Andy's at the newstand, armed with his camera. He's chatting it up with the clerk when he comes in contact with a young ruffian, excited about a night out on the town. This darling hooligan is quite excited to get in a few minutes of internet fame. This is one thing I love about human nature....If there is a camera around, people will say or do anything....
Like, I heard this story last night about a friend-of-a-friend of mine, I guess she had answered this ad in the paper about an audition. Anyway, she got there, and they had a camera set up, so she fucked 5 guys in front of the camera. They gave her $20 bucks, and made her sign some forms. Then, like a month later, someone tells her that they downloaded a video of her while they were online. She was furious, and tried to sue the guys. See? Anything for a rolling camera....This is a fantastic story, and when you tell it to a group of drunken party-goers, it always causes crazy arguments. What did she think a bunch of dudes would do with footage of her in gang-bang action? Bury it in the yard?
Great video, Andy....I'm awfully glad that you carried your camera to the newstand to buy Snickers bars.
DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE HERE.
CHECK OUT PICS OF ANDY HERE.
E-MAIL ME----SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes: (spoken by a TRUE thug)
"...Got my knife on me right now, it's all good, I'm still chillin'"
"You got this on camera...Show it to your mother, to your father, to whoever you want".
Andy's at the newstand, armed with his camera. He's chatting it up with the clerk when he comes in contact with a young ruffian, excited about a night out on the town. This darling hooligan is quite excited to get in a few minutes of internet fame. This is one thing I love about human nature....If there is a camera around, people will say or do anything....
Like, I heard this story last night about a friend-of-a-friend of mine, I guess she had answered this ad in the paper about an audition. Anyway, she got there, and they had a camera set up, so she fucked 5 guys in front of the camera. They gave her $20 bucks, and made her sign some forms. Then, like a month later, someone tells her that they downloaded a video of her while they were online. She was furious, and tried to sue the guys. See? Anything for a rolling camera....This is a fantastic story, and when you tell it to a group of drunken party-goers, it always causes crazy arguments. What did she think a bunch of dudes would do with footage of her in gang-bang action? Bury it in the yard?
Great video, Andy....I'm awfully glad that you carried your camera to the newstand to buy Snickers bars.
DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE HERE.
CHECK OUT PICS OF ANDY HERE.
E-MAIL ME----SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
ICE CREAM RAP:THE VIDEO review:
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes:
"Like a venomous snake, I spit venom a lot."
"I once had a ho drop to her knees in the bathroom of Wendy's."
"I like to drink goat head soup, I like to rhyme, and I like to shoot little goats in their head, then I drink their soup when they're dead".
Well, this is the video that started it all. Andy did this in conjunction with a photo comic for Brian Lynch on angrynakedpat.com. At the end, he busts out in this freestyle about a young, dead goat that gets to pick up chicks in heaven. I friggin' love goats. Every week, when I was a kid, my family would go out to this farm to get some eggs. There was this goat that lived there, and his name was Jody. Jody would chase after us and violently hump my sister and I....We always thought that was hilarious, but there was much more fun to be had on the farm... When you're a city kid, 'country hospitality' can seem a bit creepy. There was this old grandma on the farm that would always give us some buns to eat. My parents had always told us that we couldn't eat food from strangers, so we would never actually eat the buns. Instead, we would take them back into the city with us, stuff them full of compost, and put them in the food hamper for the homeless in the park. Farms are awesome...Yeah!
I'm so, so glad that Andy made this video....Where would I be without my daily dose of ICF???
DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE HERE.
CHECK OUT ANDY PICS HERE.
CONTACT ME---SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes:
"Like a venomous snake, I spit venom a lot."
"I once had a ho drop to her knees in the bathroom of Wendy's."
"I like to drink goat head soup, I like to rhyme, and I like to shoot little goats in their head, then I drink their soup when they're dead".
Well, this is the video that started it all. Andy did this in conjunction with a photo comic for Brian Lynch on angrynakedpat.com. At the end, he busts out in this freestyle about a young, dead goat that gets to pick up chicks in heaven. I friggin' love goats. Every week, when I was a kid, my family would go out to this farm to get some eggs. There was this goat that lived there, and his name was Jody. Jody would chase after us and violently hump my sister and I....We always thought that was hilarious, but there was much more fun to be had on the farm... When you're a city kid, 'country hospitality' can seem a bit creepy. There was this old grandma on the farm that would always give us some buns to eat. My parents had always told us that we couldn't eat food from strangers, so we would never actually eat the buns. Instead, we would take them back into the city with us, stuff them full of compost, and put them in the food hamper for the homeless in the park. Farms are awesome...Yeah!
I'm so, so glad that Andy made this video....Where would I be without my daily dose of ICF???
DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE HERE.
CHECK OUT ANDY PICS HERE.
CONTACT ME---SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
Friday, February 06, 2004
INTERNET DORKTASTIC review:
(by Andy Milonakis, available on andrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes:
"I don't know, cause she was married at first, but she was like 'I want you', and I was like 'BRB', but then she was like 'this is important, you can't say BRB, you can't go away, I gotta talk to you, you know.' and then I was like 'dude, BRB, I gotta go'."
"You're not mad at me, are you?...You're not? Cool. I know... I mean, I kicked you as a joke, and I was just like 'dude, fuck you', and you were like 'man, that's not cool'".
This video made me start to suspect that I just might be a dork. This prompted me to ask all of my friends and family if, in fact, I am a dork. Here's how most of those conversations went:
Me: Do you consider me a dork?
Them: (long pause)...Well, it's not that you're a complete dork....Umm....
Me: Oh, thanks..... Heeyyyy, wait a minute, what do you mean "a complete dork" ?
So, I might be a bit of a dork, but I'm really just the same as everyone else. Every morning, my alarm rings and I get out of my bed, put on my clothes, and have a nice bowl of cereal, just like a normal, average person. However, my alarm clock has a picture of Astro-Boy on it, my wardrobe is full of t-shirts with anime characters and nostalgic 80's references on them, and I eat an insane amount of lucky charms. I will spend hours trying to beat Mario Brothers 2 on my old-school nintendo, and am very proud of my wicked collection of Kung-fu movies. Holy fuck, I'm a square.
Andy is not a complete dork either. We get to see him chatting it up with his friend John, while IM-ing others on his computer. I guess he's pretty talented, cause I always have the hardest time doing both at once. He talks about his internet friends , his internet gal in Iowa , his internet movies, and the rest of his internet life.
By the way, does anyone remember the thrill of waiting for the Episode 2 trailer to arrive online? Andy obviously does....Wow.
DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE HERE.
SEE PICS OF ANDY HERE.
E-MAIL ME AT: SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
(by Andy Milonakis, available on andrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes:
"I don't know, cause she was married at first, but she was like 'I want you', and I was like 'BRB', but then she was like 'this is important, you can't say BRB, you can't go away, I gotta talk to you, you know.' and then I was like 'dude, BRB, I gotta go'."
"You're not mad at me, are you?...You're not? Cool. I know... I mean, I kicked you as a joke, and I was just like 'dude, fuck you', and you were like 'man, that's not cool'".
This video made me start to suspect that I just might be a dork. This prompted me to ask all of my friends and family if, in fact, I am a dork. Here's how most of those conversations went:
Me: Do you consider me a dork?
Them: (long pause)...Well, it's not that you're a complete dork....Umm....
Me: Oh, thanks..... Heeyyyy, wait a minute, what do you mean "a complete dork" ?
So, I might be a bit of a dork, but I'm really just the same as everyone else. Every morning, my alarm rings and I get out of my bed, put on my clothes, and have a nice bowl of cereal, just like a normal, average person. However, my alarm clock has a picture of Astro-Boy on it, my wardrobe is full of t-shirts with anime characters and nostalgic 80's references on them, and I eat an insane amount of lucky charms. I will spend hours trying to beat Mario Brothers 2 on my old-school nintendo, and am very proud of my wicked collection of Kung-fu movies. Holy fuck, I'm a square.
Andy is not a complete dork either. We get to see him chatting it up with his friend John, while IM-ing others on his computer. I guess he's pretty talented, cause I always have the hardest time doing both at once. He talks about his internet friends , his internet gal in Iowa , his internet movies, and the rest of his internet life.
By the way, does anyone remember the thrill of waiting for the Episode 2 trailer to arrive online? Andy obviously does....Wow.
DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE HERE.
SEE PICS OF ANDY HERE.
E-MAIL ME AT: SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
Holiday Shopping review:
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
There really isn't any quotes from this video, as this is one of the rare videos where Andy doesn't speak.
Seriously, though, this video is good times, and nothin' but. Andy is shopping for the holidays, and is in a bookstore. His is suddenly overtaken by the holiday spirit. He can't hold back anymore, he's got to "feel" the music. What results is a minute and a half of deep, soulful movements to bookstore muzak.
Pure. Fucking. Comedy. Genius.
DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.
CHECK OUT PICTURES OF ANDY HERE.
E-MAIL ME - SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
There really isn't any quotes from this video, as this is one of the rare videos where Andy doesn't speak.
Seriously, though, this video is good times, and nothin' but. Andy is shopping for the holidays, and is in a bookstore. His is suddenly overtaken by the holiday spirit. He can't hold back anymore, he's got to "feel" the music. What results is a minute and a half of deep, soulful movements to bookstore muzak.
Pure. Fucking. Comedy. Genius.
DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.
CHECK OUT PICTURES OF ANDY HERE.
E-MAIL ME - SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
OPEN MIC NIGHT review:
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes:
"The cowards, they take the flowers. They take the flowers away, away, away."
"They didn't have a fair chance, the flowers did not get to grow up. They deserve a regular life, I want to take a knife and kill all the cowards that took all the flowers away."
"You know why? Because that's exactly what they are, they're cowards. I shouldn't even have had to tell you all this, you should've known from the beginning when I told you they were cowards, that's why they did it, because they're cowards. They'll pay the piper."
Andy is having a hard time. Lately, he'll write something, but then he'll go back and erase it, as he loses confidence in it. No more of this writing bullshit, from now on, it's freestyle, all the time.
Open mic nights are always fun, even if they're supposed to be a bit serious. There's this one guy that lives a few blocks away from me, and he thinks he's a top-notch poet. He always has these open mic nights in a warehouse by the harbor. Sometimes I go, but none of my friends will ever come with me, 'cause last time I took them, a guy got up on stage and had sex with a pumpkin. My friends said that it was really disturbing, but I found it pretty humorous. Maybe the guy just wanted to promote vegetarianism, I don't know.
Good times.
DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.
CHECK OUT PHOTOS OF ANDY HERE.
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes:
"The cowards, they take the flowers. They take the flowers away, away, away."
"They didn't have a fair chance, the flowers did not get to grow up. They deserve a regular life, I want to take a knife and kill all the cowards that took all the flowers away."
"You know why? Because that's exactly what they are, they're cowards. I shouldn't even have had to tell you all this, you should've known from the beginning when I told you they were cowards, that's why they did it, because they're cowards. They'll pay the piper."
Andy is having a hard time. Lately, he'll write something, but then he'll go back and erase it, as he loses confidence in it. No more of this writing bullshit, from now on, it's freestyle, all the time.
Open mic nights are always fun, even if they're supposed to be a bit serious. There's this one guy that lives a few blocks away from me, and he thinks he's a top-notch poet. He always has these open mic nights in a warehouse by the harbor. Sometimes I go, but none of my friends will ever come with me, 'cause last time I took them, a guy got up on stage and had sex with a pumpkin. My friends said that it was really disturbing, but I found it pretty humorous. Maybe the guy just wanted to promote vegetarianism, I don't know.
Good times.
DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.
CHECK OUT PHOTOS OF ANDY HERE.
OLD HABITS DIE HARD review:
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes:
"My face is pretty, isn't it?"
"Look at that picture, it's bootylicious. No?"
" I got turned down buying cigarettes. Turned down buying cigarettes with a real ID. This is the wonderful world that we call earth."
"Cigarettes are bad anyway, you guys just saved my life."
Andy, I feel your pain. Maybe it's the fact that I'm 5 feet tall, but I don't think I've ever been in a liquor store without getting asked for ID. In Alberta, where I grew up, the legal drinking age is 18. In BC, where I live now, it's 19. I'm only 22, so I guess I'm not that offended yet, but maybe when I'm 40 it'll start to get tired. I was in Connecticut this summer, and just got used to keeping my ID in very close at hand. That way, when they'd ID me, I'd be all like "POW!!"... Check that out motherfuckers.
When I started drinking, I was about 16. Every weekend, we'd try to get beer from the liquor store by my house. None of us had fake IDs, so we had all of these tactics that we had to try. We maybe only scored beer 30% of the time. The best tactic was to go in to the store, all nonchalantly, and then curse a lot when you got up to the counter. We always thought that this would work really well, as the alchoholics that lived down the street from me could be heard cursing at each other all night, every night.
Here's a rough transcript of what would happen:
Me: How's your motherfucking night been?
Clerk: Pretty good, can I see some ID?
Me: Aw, shit, I left it in my car....Fuck!
Clerk: I can't sell that to you without ID.
Me: I'm sorry, my asshole kid threw it down the sewer, fuck!
*Then maybe I'd lean over and try to show some cleavage.
This rarely ever worked, and the times it did, I'm pretty sure it was just cause the clerk felt sorry for me: "look at the lengths this poor alchoholic kid is willing to go to for booze, she deserves this beer".
Andy caps off this short with a nice song for the 7-11 clerks. They don't seem too impressed...Jesus, what does it take to impress convenience store clerks these days?
A classic Andy video.
DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.
CHECK OUT PICTURES OF ANDY HERE.
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes:
"My face is pretty, isn't it?"
"Look at that picture, it's bootylicious. No?"
" I got turned down buying cigarettes. Turned down buying cigarettes with a real ID. This is the wonderful world that we call earth."
"Cigarettes are bad anyway, you guys just saved my life."
Andy, I feel your pain. Maybe it's the fact that I'm 5 feet tall, but I don't think I've ever been in a liquor store without getting asked for ID. In Alberta, where I grew up, the legal drinking age is 18. In BC, where I live now, it's 19. I'm only 22, so I guess I'm not that offended yet, but maybe when I'm 40 it'll start to get tired. I was in Connecticut this summer, and just got used to keeping my ID in very close at hand. That way, when they'd ID me, I'd be all like "POW!!"... Check that out motherfuckers.
When I started drinking, I was about 16. Every weekend, we'd try to get beer from the liquor store by my house. None of us had fake IDs, so we had all of these tactics that we had to try. We maybe only scored beer 30% of the time. The best tactic was to go in to the store, all nonchalantly, and then curse a lot when you got up to the counter. We always thought that this would work really well, as the alchoholics that lived down the street from me could be heard cursing at each other all night, every night.
Here's a rough transcript of what would happen:
Me: How's your motherfucking night been?
Clerk: Pretty good, can I see some ID?
Me: Aw, shit, I left it in my car....Fuck!
Clerk: I can't sell that to you without ID.
Me: I'm sorry, my asshole kid threw it down the sewer, fuck!
*Then maybe I'd lean over and try to show some cleavage.
This rarely ever worked, and the times it did, I'm pretty sure it was just cause the clerk felt sorry for me: "look at the lengths this poor alchoholic kid is willing to go to for booze, she deserves this beer".
Andy caps off this short with a nice song for the 7-11 clerks. They don't seem too impressed...Jesus, what does it take to impress convenience store clerks these days?
A classic Andy video.
DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.
CHECK OUT PICTURES OF ANDY HERE.
Sunday, February 01, 2004
HIDDEN BEAST review:
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes:
"Enter the brain, where the hidden beast lies. The hidden beast lies, and he lies. He's lying down, and he lies."
"He blocks your stupid ass from having fun."
"You tell that hidden beast 'shhhh, shhhh', you shut the fuck up."
I think this was one of the first ICF videos that I came across. It's funny, 'cause a few weeks prior to watching this video, I had to take a creativity workshop for part of my visual arts degree in university. There was a guy that kept yammering on about "creativity blockers" in our lives. The lecture on this lasted 4 hours, and by the end, I thought I was some sort of asian prostitute. Then things got fuzzy for a few days... I woke up in the mountains with a belly full of goat semen, lungs full of salt water, and a dozen video tapes in my arms (all marked at the low, low price of $29.95), and vowed to never speak of it again...Until now.
When I saw this video, I sent it out to everyone that had to sit through that lecture. I think it made us all feel a little better.
No diggety. Andy, I salute you.
DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.
CHECK OUT ANDY PHOTOS HERE.
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes:
"Enter the brain, where the hidden beast lies. The hidden beast lies, and he lies. He's lying down, and he lies."
"He blocks your stupid ass from having fun."
"You tell that hidden beast 'shhhh, shhhh', you shut the fuck up."
I think this was one of the first ICF videos that I came across. It's funny, 'cause a few weeks prior to watching this video, I had to take a creativity workshop for part of my visual arts degree in university. There was a guy that kept yammering on about "creativity blockers" in our lives. The lecture on this lasted 4 hours, and by the end, I thought I was some sort of asian prostitute. Then things got fuzzy for a few days... I woke up in the mountains with a belly full of goat semen, lungs full of salt water, and a dozen video tapes in my arms (all marked at the low, low price of $29.95), and vowed to never speak of it again...Until now.
When I saw this video, I sent it out to everyone that had to sit through that lecture. I think it made us all feel a little better.
No diggety. Andy, I salute you.
DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.
CHECK OUT ANDY PHOTOS HERE.
EMCEE ASHTRAY review:
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf).
Quotes:
"Yo, one time I took this lady's money. Yo, I was like...I had a crazy sixth sense kinda notion, I went back and I was like 'Yo, I don't think you gave me all your shit', and she's like 'yo', and she gave me all her peppermints."
"It's hard to be gangsta now, they're playin all that garbage, man. Yo, yo, I just.. I'm on a whole 'nother level now, I'm listenin to a whole 'nother type of music, 'cause I keep it straight up gangsta. Listen to this shit, yo".
There's times when I'll be watching something, and it's so funny, that I'll have this moment where I kinda wonder if I'm dead for a second. I'll keep thinking in my head "Something's not right here, this is too funny."
The first time I watched this video, I had one of those moments.
Emcee Ashtray is a thug, but is really struggling with maintaining his identity. His solution? James Taylor, and tons of it.
The funniest thing about this video? It reminded me so much of my circle of friends in junior high. Good times, my friends, good times. When my parents would get upset with me, I used to secretly wish that the dudes from NWA would come and kidnap me, a pale canadian girl with a fondness for gangsta rap, and take me back to Compton to chill. I didn't factor in that Dre, Cube, and Easy E had probably never been to Calgary, the beef capital of Canada, nor did I factor in that I would probably have to become their roadies' juvenile fuck-doll, but it was a nice fantasy while it lasted. Now, when I meet people, I like to tell them I'm from Compton, and then act really hurt when they laugh at me.
No question, this video is top-notch.
DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.
CHECK OUT PICTURES OF ANDY HERE.
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf).
Quotes:
"Yo, one time I took this lady's money. Yo, I was like...I had a crazy sixth sense kinda notion, I went back and I was like 'Yo, I don't think you gave me all your shit', and she's like 'yo', and she gave me all her peppermints."
"It's hard to be gangsta now, they're playin all that garbage, man. Yo, yo, I just.. I'm on a whole 'nother level now, I'm listenin to a whole 'nother type of music, 'cause I keep it straight up gangsta. Listen to this shit, yo".
There's times when I'll be watching something, and it's so funny, that I'll have this moment where I kinda wonder if I'm dead for a second. I'll keep thinking in my head "Something's not right here, this is too funny."
The first time I watched this video, I had one of those moments.
Emcee Ashtray is a thug, but is really struggling with maintaining his identity. His solution? James Taylor, and tons of it.
The funniest thing about this video? It reminded me so much of my circle of friends in junior high. Good times, my friends, good times. When my parents would get upset with me, I used to secretly wish that the dudes from NWA would come and kidnap me, a pale canadian girl with a fondness for gangsta rap, and take me back to Compton to chill. I didn't factor in that Dre, Cube, and Easy E had probably never been to Calgary, the beef capital of Canada, nor did I factor in that I would probably have to become their roadies' juvenile fuck-doll, but it was a nice fantasy while it lasted. Now, when I meet people, I like to tell them I'm from Compton, and then act really hurt when they laugh at me.
No question, this video is top-notch.
DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.
CHECK OUT PICTURES OF ANDY HERE.
Andy has a page on IMDB here.
As well, here's a link to the site that started it all....Andy made this child actor site, and it's pretty great....
Here's Andy's "Star Fuck" page.
Here's a question to ponder: Which star would you like to fuck? I heard that if you fuck Snoop Dogg, you turn into a automatic gangsta, so I'd probably fuck Snoop Dogg, or maybe Vicky off of "Small Wonder".
As well, here's a link to the site that started it all....Andy made this child actor site, and it's pretty great....
Here's Andy's "Star Fuck" page.
Here's a question to ponder: Which star would you like to fuck? I heard that if you fuck Snoop Dogg, you turn into a automatic gangsta, so I'd probably fuck Snoop Dogg, or maybe Vicky off of "Small Wonder".
