Saturday, February 14, 2004
SUBURBAN PIMP review:
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf).
Quotes:
INTRO- "This is a play I wrote called 'Suburban Pimp', and it's about a guy named Jimmy Withers who moves from Upstate New York to Harlem, and uh, he gets some props, and a lot of people like him. He gets a nice crew of hookers, and you know,they're happy for him, cause, you know, he's nicer than some of the other pimps that were born and raised in Harlem. But, um, he has a little bit of trouble fitting in, you know, getting adjusted to the whole Harlem world."
JIMMY- "What is wrong with you, hoes? Don't make me bitch-slap you. I will...I will bitch-slap you."
JIMMY- "Chico, can I have a word with you? Yeah, you. Yeah, come over here. What? Did you tell...Did you tell my hoes that they were yours? No. Did you? They're my fucking bitches. They're my bitches. What the fuck do I have to do around here to get some fucking action?"
Poor Jimmy....A pimp's life is not an easy one, especially if you feel ostracized from your peers. His hoes are stealing his money, his fellow pimp, Chico, is stealing his hoes, and all he wants is a little respect! Jimmy can beat down his hoes just as good as any true Harlem pimp.
The first time I met a real pimp, I didn't realize it. Roy was this short philipino kid that was a grade ahead of me in high school. One day, I wore a mini skirt to school, cause it was really hot outside. Roy kept going "I like your look, call me." I though it was kinda strange, as we'd never talked before, but I just assumed he was nice. I told one of my friends, and she was like "You dumb motherfucker, he's a pimp". I didn't really believe her, but didn't ever call Roy, just in case.
The following year, a bunch of us started driving. Our favorite activity was to drive around downtown and taunt the hookers. We bought a megaphone and a giant flashlight. After a hooker was picked up, we would follow the car until it was parked, give it a few minutes, then go and shine the flashlight in the car and scream into the megaphone. Then, we would drive away as fast as we could. We did this quite often, and never got in any real trouble (just some jaded hookers screaming, and some dudes yelling after the car 'cause we wrecked his blowjob). However, one night, after driving away, we got what we deserved.
We were waiting at a red light, and all of a sudden, my friend Steve's back windshield was smashed in with a golf club. A familiar voice shouted out "leave my hoes alone, or I'll cut you".....It was my old pal Roy! He really was a pimp! Hilarious.
The saddest part about this play is that real suburban pimps deal with the same heartbreaking discrimination every single day. If you'd like to learn more about how you can help end pimp-bigotry, please contact your local library.
Andy's play was a true classic, and a total emotional rollercoaster. My heart goes out to Jimmy...
Pimpin' ain't easy.
YAK ABOUT ANDY HERE.
LOOK AT SOME PICS HERE.
E-MAIL ME ----SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf).
Quotes:
INTRO- "This is a play I wrote called 'Suburban Pimp', and it's about a guy named Jimmy Withers who moves from Upstate New York to Harlem, and uh, he gets some props, and a lot of people like him. He gets a nice crew of hookers, and you know,they're happy for him, cause, you know, he's nicer than some of the other pimps that were born and raised in Harlem. But, um, he has a little bit of trouble fitting in, you know, getting adjusted to the whole Harlem world."
JIMMY- "What is wrong with you, hoes? Don't make me bitch-slap you. I will...I will bitch-slap you."
JIMMY- "Chico, can I have a word with you? Yeah, you. Yeah, come over here. What? Did you tell...Did you tell my hoes that they were yours? No. Did you? They're my fucking bitches. They're my bitches. What the fuck do I have to do around here to get some fucking action?"
Poor Jimmy....A pimp's life is not an easy one, especially if you feel ostracized from your peers. His hoes are stealing his money, his fellow pimp, Chico, is stealing his hoes, and all he wants is a little respect! Jimmy can beat down his hoes just as good as any true Harlem pimp.
The first time I met a real pimp, I didn't realize it. Roy was this short philipino kid that was a grade ahead of me in high school. One day, I wore a mini skirt to school, cause it was really hot outside. Roy kept going "I like your look, call me." I though it was kinda strange, as we'd never talked before, but I just assumed he was nice. I told one of my friends, and she was like "You dumb motherfucker, he's a pimp". I didn't really believe her, but didn't ever call Roy, just in case.
The following year, a bunch of us started driving. Our favorite activity was to drive around downtown and taunt the hookers. We bought a megaphone and a giant flashlight. After a hooker was picked up, we would follow the car until it was parked, give it a few minutes, then go and shine the flashlight in the car and scream into the megaphone. Then, we would drive away as fast as we could. We did this quite often, and never got in any real trouble (just some jaded hookers screaming, and some dudes yelling after the car 'cause we wrecked his blowjob). However, one night, after driving away, we got what we deserved.
We were waiting at a red light, and all of a sudden, my friend Steve's back windshield was smashed in with a golf club. A familiar voice shouted out "leave my hoes alone, or I'll cut you".....It was my old pal Roy! He really was a pimp! Hilarious.
The saddest part about this play is that real suburban pimps deal with the same heartbreaking discrimination every single day. If you'd like to learn more about how you can help end pimp-bigotry, please contact your local library.
Andy's play was a true classic, and a total emotional rollercoaster. My heart goes out to Jimmy...
Pimpin' ain't easy.
YAK ABOUT ANDY HERE.
LOOK AT SOME PICS HERE.
E-MAIL ME ----SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
Mmmm, boy....I sure do love making cartoons!!!! Check out my latest creation here.
Friday, February 13, 2004
CEREAL WEIRDOS review:
(by Andy Milonakis, featuring Enzo Salierno, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf).
Quotes:
Andy-"Boo Berry, blueberry....Get it?"
Andy- " I like Reese's Pieces cereal, cause makes me feel giddy inside."
Enzo-"Sometimes, when I'm mad low on sugar, I just pop a million Apple Jacks, I put them on the bench press."
I really like cereal mascots, but man, that Trix rabbit creeps me out....I used to have nightmares about him all the time. What really bothers me, though, is the cereal villains. Take for example, Cap'n Crunch's mortal foes, The Soggies. I think they were supposed to be made out of milk or something, but they came across as pure assholes. What did Cap'n Crunch ever do, besides making a cereal that was blindingly delicious, but also cut the roof of your mouth like crazy? Check out an article on the Soggies here.
As a Canadian child, I was soooo deprived of awesome cereals. Andy and Enzo love cereal....REALLY love cereal. This video leaves me feeling jolly and hungry.
DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE HERE.
CHECK OUT ANDY PICS HERE.
E-MAIL ME ---- SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
(by Andy Milonakis, featuring Enzo Salierno, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf).
Quotes:
Andy-"Boo Berry, blueberry....Get it?"
Andy- " I like Reese's Pieces cereal, cause makes me feel giddy inside."
Enzo-"Sometimes, when I'm mad low on sugar, I just pop a million Apple Jacks, I put them on the bench press."
I really like cereal mascots, but man, that Trix rabbit creeps me out....I used to have nightmares about him all the time. What really bothers me, though, is the cereal villains. Take for example, Cap'n Crunch's mortal foes, The Soggies. I think they were supposed to be made out of milk or something, but they came across as pure assholes. What did Cap'n Crunch ever do, besides making a cereal that was blindingly delicious, but also cut the roof of your mouth like crazy? Check out an article on the Soggies here.
As a Canadian child, I was soooo deprived of awesome cereals. Andy and Enzo love cereal....REALLY love cereal. This video leaves me feeling jolly and hungry.
DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE HERE.
CHECK OUT ANDY PICS HERE.
E-MAIL ME ---- SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
Thursday, February 12, 2004
GREEK WHININ' review:
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes:
"I got three chins, I named them all Jim. Jim number one, Jim number two, Jim number three. Jim number three wants to be a G. He wants to be a rapper, it don't really matter."
" 'I want to be a actor', I said 'You can't cause you're just a chin, and you can't be a rapper like Jim number three, he keeps it real gully'."
Now, I'm not advocating alcohol abuse, but... My god, some people are sooo awesome when they're wasted.
Andy is obviously the greatest drunk of all time, except for maybe Orson Welles (who shot an awesome ad for booze when he was blitzed out of his mind). Check out the video here. Awww yeah....It may take a minute to load, but it's sooooo worth it ( it's the fourth one down, but I really recommend watching all of the videos on this page).
Sometimes, I have some friends come over for a get-together. I'm not a crazy drinker, but when I'm writing or working on a photo exhibit, I need some "inspiration". Thus, I always have tons of half-empties and partial six-packs around my house. About once a month, I invite a bunch of people over, and we drink all of my alcohol. If there's one true fact in this universe, it's that people will drink a ton of alcohol when it's free.
There's tons of kinds of drunks....There's a sad drunk, who weeps about long lost girlfriends that they no longer fuck. There's an angry drunk, who starts a whole bunch of fights, then passes out before they can follow through. There's a sentimental drunk, who spends the whole night going "remember when we did that", even if you've only known them for a couple of hours. There's also a happy drunk, who doesn't have a care in the world, 'cause they love you, and the sky is a beautiful shade of blue, and they beat the Wayne's World pinball game at the arcade one time.
Then, there's the awesome drunk. A true 'awesome drunk' is the kind of person that you secretly want to become an alcoholic, 'cause they're so much fun!!!!
I love it when Andy is wasted, cause he busts out the best rhymes, but I also like Andy when he's sober, so I'm not sure if he's a true awesome drunk. He's just a pretty awesome drunk.
Here's a picture of me last Friday, totally wasted. I'm a happy drunk, with a pinch of sentimental drunk.
DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE HERE.
CHECK OUT PICS OF ANDY HERE. (THERE'S 2 PAGES!)
E-MAIL ME---SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
This is a pic of me with some of my favorite drinking buddies of ALL TIME!!!!
There's Nicole (who taught me the phrase "jesus fuck", one of the greatest expressions of all time), Lisa (the best drinking partner ever!), me (poison of choice? Vooooooodka), Briony (who can take in a surprisingly large amount of tequila shots), KB (who, along with her 'awesome drunk' boyfriend, drinks alabama slammers like it's going out of style), and in the back, my kiwi homeboy Vaughn.
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes:
"I got three chins, I named them all Jim. Jim number one, Jim number two, Jim number three. Jim number three wants to be a G. He wants to be a rapper, it don't really matter."
" 'I want to be a actor', I said 'You can't cause you're just a chin, and you can't be a rapper like Jim number three, he keeps it real gully'."
Now, I'm not advocating alcohol abuse, but... My god, some people are sooo awesome when they're wasted.
Andy is obviously the greatest drunk of all time, except for maybe Orson Welles (who shot an awesome ad for booze when he was blitzed out of his mind). Check out the video here. Awww yeah....It may take a minute to load, but it's sooooo worth it ( it's the fourth one down, but I really recommend watching all of the videos on this page).
Sometimes, I have some friends come over for a get-together. I'm not a crazy drinker, but when I'm writing or working on a photo exhibit, I need some "inspiration". Thus, I always have tons of half-empties and partial six-packs around my house. About once a month, I invite a bunch of people over, and we drink all of my alcohol. If there's one true fact in this universe, it's that people will drink a ton of alcohol when it's free.
There's tons of kinds of drunks....There's a sad drunk, who weeps about long lost girlfriends that they no longer fuck. There's an angry drunk, who starts a whole bunch of fights, then passes out before they can follow through. There's a sentimental drunk, who spends the whole night going "remember when we did that", even if you've only known them for a couple of hours. There's also a happy drunk, who doesn't have a care in the world, 'cause they love you, and the sky is a beautiful shade of blue, and they beat the Wayne's World pinball game at the arcade one time.
Then, there's the awesome drunk. A true 'awesome drunk' is the kind of person that you secretly want to become an alcoholic, 'cause they're so much fun!!!!
I love it when Andy is wasted, cause he busts out the best rhymes, but I also like Andy when he's sober, so I'm not sure if he's a true awesome drunk. He's just a pretty awesome drunk.
Here's a picture of me last Friday, totally wasted. I'm a happy drunk, with a pinch of sentimental drunk.
DISCUSS THIS ARTICLE HERE.
CHECK OUT PICS OF ANDY HERE. (THERE'S 2 PAGES!)
E-MAIL ME---SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
This is a pic of me with some of my favorite drinking buddies of ALL TIME!!!!
There's Nicole (who taught me the phrase "jesus fuck", one of the greatest expressions of all time), Lisa (the best drinking partner ever!), me (poison of choice? Vooooooodka), Briony (who can take in a surprisingly large amount of tequila shots), KB (who, along with her 'awesome drunk' boyfriend, drinks alabama slammers like it's going out of style), and in the back, my kiwi homeboy Vaughn.
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
FIRST FAT GUY TO DRINK A BOTTLE OF PERRIER WATER WHILE LISTENING TO JUNGLE MUSIC review:
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Well, this video delivers what it promises, and I'm thankful for it....Believe it. You see, I've been promised many things in my life, but very few promises have actually delivered.....
I was eight years old the first time a promise left me disappointed. I had sent away $3 to a company that promised me a huge life-sized submarine. I got the order form out of the back of my Urkel comic. Four months later, I got a package in the mail. My life-sized submarine was actually a couple of whimsically-painted pieces of cardboard. Wow, I was crazy-disappointed. There was only one solution to this problem:
break into the Urkel comics office and set it on fire. My first failed promise gave me a few more firsts: my first trial and my first stay in juvenile hall.....Kidding....Although they TOTALLY deserved it. Anyway, in the end, I got a bit of vengance, as Urkel comics went under after 3 issues....Surely due to it's lack of honesty in advertising.
Another fantastic ICF.
DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.
CHECK OUT PICS OF ANDY (AND YOUR FAVORITE VENGEFUL COMIC-READER...ME!) HERE.
E-MAIL ME----SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Well, this video delivers what it promises, and I'm thankful for it....Believe it. You see, I've been promised many things in my life, but very few promises have actually delivered.....
I was eight years old the first time a promise left me disappointed. I had sent away $3 to a company that promised me a huge life-sized submarine. I got the order form out of the back of my Urkel comic. Four months later, I got a package in the mail. My life-sized submarine was actually a couple of whimsically-painted pieces of cardboard. Wow, I was crazy-disappointed. There was only one solution to this problem:
break into the Urkel comics office and set it on fire. My first failed promise gave me a few more firsts: my first trial and my first stay in juvenile hall.....Kidding....Although they TOTALLY deserved it. Anyway, in the end, I got a bit of vengance, as Urkel comics went under after 3 issues....Surely due to it's lack of honesty in advertising.
Another fantastic ICF.
DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.
CHECK OUT PICS OF ANDY (AND YOUR FAVORITE VENGEFUL COMIC-READER...ME!) HERE.
E-MAIL ME----SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
Monday, February 09, 2004
CUPPY review:
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes:
"People make fun of me because I only have one fake eye, and one eye that's made out of a cup."
"One time I took my cup-eye out, and I poured beer in it, and I drank out of my eye. I think that was cool. One person laughed....He was my dog, but he still laughed."
"I get drunk really fast because I'm in the 5th grade."
Michael Eisner is saaaaad. In a horrible thumb-wrestling accident, he lost both of his eyes. His mom bought him one nice $8000 fake eye, but couldn't afford a second one. Thus, his second eye was made of a cup, hence the nickname, Cuppy. Eisner's solution? Drinking beer.
In elementary school, there was this one kid named Jesse that lived at the trailer park by the highway. He was shockingly popular, as his parents let him drink beer on a regular basis. He also had a wicked-bad mullet with a rat tail (a daring combination of hair styles). He would bring a beer to school in his lunch, and all of the boys would go and sit in the recycling bins and share a beer between 15 of them. Then they would stumble back into class, pretending to be drunk. The best part? One day, after lunch, Justin, this small-ish kid, pretending to be drunk, threw a beer bottle at the teacher's desk, and it shattered everywhere. Everyone blamed it all on Jesse, as Justin was a pretty good kid. I haven't heard anything about Jesse since elementary school, but I sure do hope that he is now giving beer to his children....
Think of the entertainment value! Those are the kind of childhood memories I'll never forget, and I think that a whole new generation of children should get the chance to see a kid, thinking he's wasted, in a drunken rage.
This is the video that made me realize that Andy is a god. Awesome.
DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.
CHECK OUT PICTURES OF ANDY HERE.
E-MAIL ME----SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
(by Andy Milonakis, available on angrynakedpat.com/network/icf)
Quotes:
"People make fun of me because I only have one fake eye, and one eye that's made out of a cup."
"One time I took my cup-eye out, and I poured beer in it, and I drank out of my eye. I think that was cool. One person laughed....He was my dog, but he still laughed."
"I get drunk really fast because I'm in the 5th grade."
Michael Eisner is saaaaad. In a horrible thumb-wrestling accident, he lost both of his eyes. His mom bought him one nice $8000 fake eye, but couldn't afford a second one. Thus, his second eye was made of a cup, hence the nickname, Cuppy. Eisner's solution? Drinking beer.
In elementary school, there was this one kid named Jesse that lived at the trailer park by the highway. He was shockingly popular, as his parents let him drink beer on a regular basis. He also had a wicked-bad mullet with a rat tail (a daring combination of hair styles). He would bring a beer to school in his lunch, and all of the boys would go and sit in the recycling bins and share a beer between 15 of them. Then they would stumble back into class, pretending to be drunk. The best part? One day, after lunch, Justin, this small-ish kid, pretending to be drunk, threw a beer bottle at the teacher's desk, and it shattered everywhere. Everyone blamed it all on Jesse, as Justin was a pretty good kid. I haven't heard anything about Jesse since elementary school, but I sure do hope that he is now giving beer to his children....
Think of the entertainment value! Those are the kind of childhood memories I'll never forget, and I think that a whole new generation of children should get the chance to see a kid, thinking he's wasted, in a drunken rage.
This is the video that made me realize that Andy is a god. Awesome.
DISCUSS THIS POST HERE.
CHECK OUT PICTURES OF ANDY HERE.
E-MAIL ME----SARAHSCHICKENANDCAKE@HOTMAIL.COM
